I dont wanna say anything that will detract from the effortless cuteness dripping from this picture.
I cant even acronym how much im laughing right now. I just wish i had of recorded last night. First time in a while that i’ve been approached in a club by a guy and just my f**king luck that it was a footballer. His opening line ‘Im from London i play football, im in Manchester for the weekend and there’s no brownings...’ BROWNINGS!! lmfao are we in high school? did he actually say that! Not the end of it by far i think in the space of 10minutes he told me he was a footballer over 30 times….unfortunately he apparently plays/played for City…IM A UNITED FAN, double FAIL BRO! Of course not being a bitch i entertained him for a few drinks and then he started stepping in my space dirty dancing style…TRIPLE FAIL…after politely telling him to take his hands off me..ladies you know what came next…’Oh yous a fiesty one i like that!‘ QUADRUPLE FAIL! Im not feisty i have self respect i.e. this is my body you cant touch it with your potential rapist hands even if you are buying us all champagne which we never asked for but you think will impress us and by the way tasted like crap thanks to his incompetent pouring of the delicate fizz! The nails were already firmly hammered in the coffin at the get go however he decided to chain it shut and throw it into the ocean attached to Audi sized lumps of concrete with the question…’so do you like white guys, black guys, asians? Cause i love the brownings….‘ FAIL TO THE POWER OF 5 i told him i like Mongolians, they really get me off…he replied, i shit you not with ‘what you’ve slept with a disabled person..your a freak!‘ F**K ME SIDEWAYS how can you be that f**king stupid!? The crowning moment of the evening though was when he told me and the girl crew to google him (yawn) the first thing that pops up is a wikipedia entry about him blackmailing another footballer over a sex tape that he made! Pure class and evidently perfect material for the England squad….natch.